I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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