forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I don't deserve a penis
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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