I heard we made out
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
