This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
try to milk me bitch
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
