There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
