I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
