Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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