First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
