the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
