It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
even my farts smell like vagina
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
