i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
