Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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