mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
