the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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