Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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