btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
