Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
