Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
