Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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