wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
