he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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