At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
