IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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