How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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