Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Randomize
