I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
