FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
