the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
