I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
