Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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