I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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