I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
