i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
