soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
