I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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