Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
