Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
