Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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