you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
