She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
