I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
