so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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