Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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