Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
