It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
