I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
