tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
