I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
