How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
