Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
