well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
